when i was just a child and
you would hold my hand
i didn’t have a worry,
i didn’t understand
as i grew and
learned to stand up on my own,
sometimes i was scared
i felt all alone
but then there you were standing by my side
you held my hand again and
taught me not to hide
i am older and wiser now
now I understand
the strength that lies within me
comes from papa’s hands
04172008: a day that i can vividly remember
i was in the library with my friend studying for a really big chemistry midterm.
we chose to study in the conference room on the fourth floor so that we could utilize the white boards to draw our diagrams and equations.
in the middle of the study session, my phone rang…it was my brother. it wasn’t anything unusual, he probably was calling just see how i was doing or maybe he just wanted to talk. little did i know, it wasn’t like that at all. I answered, “hello…” there was pause, then my brother goes “Ryan…*long pause* he’s gone.” as tears begin flowing down my face, i answered “what? what do you mean?” i knew exactly what he was talking about but denied everything.
grandpa was gone, he passed away…i just couldn’t believe it, i fell against the wall, dropped to the floor and cried my eyes out, my friend who could only figure out little what was going on, tried to comfort me.
my mom came on the phone told me not to cry, but i couldn’t help it—-what was worse was that a couple days before she told me that he was getting better, it was all a cover-up just so that i could focus my worries on school.
my cousins tried to comfort me through the phone, but that could only do so much…my friend took my phone and was told to bring me back to the dorms.
still overflowed in tears, we packed up and left the library and headed back.
i thanked my friend for helping me out, and decided to go to bed.
as i laid there saturating my pillow, the news from home was all i could think about—-the chemistry midterm was the least of my worries.
all i needed at that moment was my family, physical comfort…but, i was all alone, 3000 miles away…the distance made it hurt even more.
as my sobs began to silence, and the rate of my tears began to slow down…i remembered the last time i saw grandpa. it was the last day of my spring break, before i left for the airport i went to go see him. when it was time to go, i held his hands and told him that i loved him. he couldn’t say it because he was intubated, but with his hands in mines…he gave a squeeze in response and i knew he loved me too♥
Five years today.